Hero
by MauraRizzoli
Summary: Spoiler from 1.10 but I changed it. It's September 13. A year since Jane died in the hostage situation. What will Maura do? Told in Maura's POV. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or any of its characters.

Rating: T

AN: *Spoiler alert, from S01E10, When the Gun Goes Bang Bang Bang* Alright. The idea for this story came to my mind from outta nowhere and it just sprouted. It is a sad one though. This is actually one of the first sad fanfictions I've ever written. I hope you guys will tell me how you feel about it, if it's good. And I'm really sorry if I make anyone cry. That's not my goal here, though; it made me tear up a few times. If you guys hate me after reading this, I'm sorry, but I just thought it would be good to write. So, please, tell me how I did. Read and review. Here it goes. Oh yes, this is also in Maura's POV.

Hero

When I woke up that morning, I looked out the window. I saw the sun shining brightly and smiled. It only lasted for a second until I realized what the date was; September 13. It would be just a normal Monday but something happened that day. I closed my eyes and it all rushed back to me and it overwhelmed me. Headquarters was taken hostage and Jane, Frankie and I just happened to be there. Frankie was shot earlier and Jane found him. I operated on him and I knew that Frankie wasn't going to make it if he didn't get to the hospital. I thought Bobby was one of the good guys but I was terribly mistaken. He led Jane out of the morgue with a gun pointed against her. I felt powerless and I couldn't leave Jane behind. I decided to chase after them. I had to save my best friend. I can remember it all perfectly.

"_Shoot him!" _I heard Jane shout._ "Just shoot him." _I started to run faster. I nearly feel because of my high heels. When I got out the precinct, I saw Jane pulling the gun to her stomach. Bobby looked relentless and he wasn't going to let Jane go. Jane knew that. That's when I knew what she was going to do.

"_Jane!" _I screamed as I ran toward her. She couldn't do it.

Suddenly, the gun went off. Everything, in my eyes, went in slow motion. Jane shot herself to save Frankie. I tried to stop the bleeding but Jane needed more help than what I could give her. I can still remember Jane's blood on my hands, how I held back the tears in my eyes and watching as Jane struggled to hang on. I had to remain strong for her.

"I did it…to…s-save Frankie." Jane mumbled.

I squeezed her hand. "I know. Hang on. Help is on the way. You're going to make it, Jane. You're goin to be fine. Just keep squeezing my hand." Jane nodded and tried to squeeze my hand. Her grip was strong at first but I could feel her getting weaker.

Help did arrive. Both Jane and Frankie needed surgery. Frankie survived. I had all of the hope in the world that day, and I even prayed for Jane. God couldn't take my best friend away from me. He couldn't. Unfortunately, Jane didn't survive the surgery. We waited too long. I knew when I waited for the ambulance to arrive, I could tell Jane wasn't in good shape but I never thought I would lose Jane. In my mind, I still take part of the blame for Jane's death. There must've been something I could've done but because of the situation, I couldn't think straight. When the surgeon came out and told us, I couldn't believe it. I wished that it was a dream but I knew that it wasn't. We all lose someone we love. It's a fact of life. This was the first time I have ever experienced that. Do you know that breathless and empty feeling you get when you're at the top of the rollercoaster about to drop? That's how I felt at that moment and I have felt that way ever since that day. It still hasn't gone away. At times, it feels like I can't breathe. I didn't pray before Jane's death but after that day, I asked God so many questions; _"Why didn't you save Jane? Is it my fault? Why couldn't it have been me instead?"_ Those were only a few questions that I asked; a few out of hundreds of questions. If I could, I would switch places with Jane. There's no doubt about that. She didn't deserve to die. She was my best friend and always will be. We all have that person that we'll talk to about anything and rely on for anything; Jane was that friend. When she died, I believe that she took half of my heart with her and ever since then, I've felt so empty. Nothing will ever able to fill that void again.

I pushed the covers off of me and walked sluggishly over to my closet. I glanced at all of my outfits and at my large assortment of high heels. I started to look through them but shook my head. _Jane teased me for all my outfits. _I thought to myself and frowned.

"_Why do you always look like you're about to do a photo-shoot?" _Jane has said a few times.

I closed my closet and walked over to my dresser. I dug out a pair of sweat pants and a blue blouse. I actually think that was the first time I've decided to wear that type of clothing to work. I got dressed and slipped on a pair of black flats, then trudged off toward the kitchen. My mood was ruined and I didn't even feel like dressing up. I could just imagine the remarks Jane would have given me when she saw me like this.

I could imagine her saying, _"Did someone steal all of your clothes?"_ or _"Did Bass ruin them?"_

If I was ever having a bad day, Jane could brighten up my world without even trying. She was the only person that could ever do that. Now, all I have are past memories to remember her by.

As my coffee brewed, I fed Bass a strawberry and patted his shell. When Jane died, we had to go through her house and decide whether to sell or keep some of her things. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I could imagine how mad Jane would be if she knew we did that. I took the baby tortoise I gave her and Frankie took Jo Friday. Since Jane never named him, I decided to call him Einstein. Jane would've made fun of me for that too. I gave him his food then I poured the coffee into my thermos and headed out to my car.

Though Jane's death hurt me greatly, I can't even imagine the heartache Frankie and her parents must feel. I really would've switched places with Jane. Parents don't deserve to lose their child.

When I got to headquarters, I saw Frankie, Korsak and Frost. I know they remembered what happened this day, a year ago. Ever since Jane has been gone, the work atmosphere was different. Nothing would ever be the same.

I headed down to the morgue to do an autopsy. I put on my gloves and gear and took a deep breath. Throughout the autopsy, I couldn't stop thinking about Jane and everything we've been through. I pushed them aside because I had to concentrate.

Once I finished the autopsy, I wrote up a few reports and took them upstairs. As I handed them to Korsak, I noticed Jane's old desk. It was someone else's desk now but I can still imagine her sitting there with her feet propped up on the desk, about to fall asleep.

"Are you okay?" Korsak asked me.

"Yes. Of course, it's just that I have to do something important and I have to leave." I told him, trying to smile.

"Oh. Alright." Korsak said and I turned to walk away. "Hey, Maura."

"Yes?" I asked as I turned around.

"We miss her too. You're not alone." Korsak replied with a frown.

"I know." I said and waved to him before I walked out of the building. Something was really eating at me and I couldn't take it. That's when I made my decision. I was going to visit Jane.

I parked my car and walked into the cemetery. This was the first time I've ever been here since she was buried. I've driven past the cemetery hundreds of times before but I never had the courage to do it.

I took a deep breath and headed toward her grave. When I got there, I wanted to run away.

"No. I have to do this." I said as I sat down by the side of her grave. Her grave stone read: "Beloved daughter, sister, best friend, a great cop and a true hero."

I took a deep breath again and spoke, "Hey Jane…it's Maura. I just felt like coming to visit you because it's been a while…a year to be exact."

A breeze rushed by and my hair moved with it. "Look. I'm really sorry that I've haven't been here. To be honest, I was afraid; afraid of confronting my emotions and coming here to talk to you. God, what if you can't even hear me?" I looked toward the ground as tears trickled out of my eyes.

"I miss you so much, Jane." I had to stop for a second so I wouldn't start sobbing. "We all miss you so much. You should see, Frankie." I smiled. "He's going to be promoted to detective soon. I really wish you were here to see it. We're so proud of him."

Then I got the weirdest feeling that Jane was there with me. "Jane, you shouldn't have died that day. I'm so sorry. There must've been something I could've done to save you but I…I couldn't think straight. Maybe if I thought of something you would still be alive. I'm so sorry, Jane." At that moment, I started to sob. "I know why you did it, Jane. I know why you shot yourself. It was to save Frankie and if you didn't, who knows what might've happened. I always will take part of the blame for your death. I probably shouldn't but I do."

I don't know if it was just me or not but I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I turned quickly and no one was there. "I'm losing it…I'm going insane." I said to myself.

"Jane, I know in your mind you probably wouldn't have found your act heroic in any way, but I do. We know that you did it to save your brother and if that was someone else you cared about, I'm sure you still would've done it." I sighed. "Jane, I just want to say this. You're my hero. You're a hero to all of us and you always will be, whether you think of yourself as one or not."

"I just want you to know that even though you may not be here anymore, I still love you and miss you, and I always will. I still can't even believe that you're gone. I mean, I know you're still with me, right here." I pointed to my heart. "But it's just not the same."

I set my hand on her grave stone and started to sob again. "God Jane, you didn't deserve to die…why did this happen?" I wiped my tears away and stood up. "I should probably go now. I'll be back soon. I promise." When I looked forward, I couldn't believe my eyes.

A ghostly figure of Jane stood right before me. She looked exactly the same as when she was shot. "I know." She said. "Thanks."

"Uh…are you really here or am I really going insane?" I said and shook my head.

"No, I'm really here." Jane said with a smile. "But really, thank you."

"What are you thanking me for, Jane?" I asked. This was so unreal. It had to be a figment of my own imagination. I didn't even believe in ghosts.

"I wanna thank you for not forgetting about me. It would've been easier to just leave me behind but you didn't...it's been quite a while, you know." Jane said with a chuckle. "A year?"

"I can never forget you. You're my best friend. You always will be. I can never leave you behind…I wouldn't be able to even if I tried." I told her truthfully and nod. "Yes, it's been a year. It seems like yesterday when you were still here."

"Wow…a year…I can't believe. And Frankie's really being promoted to detective?" I nod to her and she smiled. "I'm so proud! Tell him that I…never mind…don't tell him that, 'cause he'll think you're insane." I chuckle. "Just protect my little brother, okay?" I nod to her happily. "Okay… I have to go. I couldn't stay that here long. I'll always be with you, Maura. I promise." She held out her arms.

"I know, Jane." I smile at her as I walked into them. When I did, she disappeared in front of me. I frowned.

"Bye Maura." I heard through the breeze. Jane was gone but I knew she would be with me forever.

I smiled as I started to cry. "Bye Jane."

AN: So, what'd you think? Please let me know. I know it's sad and I'm really sorry about that, but I still enjoyed writing it!


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